Just realized that I go on about being old all the time...how bloody stupid is that ?
I'm not old just experienced, wise, matured, a fine vintage !
Saturday 27 April 2013
Arg ! Technology 1 Me 0 aka growing OLD
Jesus,
it's official I hate technology. I may have said this before but the number of passwords I'm required to remember and the staggering choice on everything form how to cook cabbage to what to wear, how to sleep what to eat is turning me into a wreck who is unable to do even the most mundane task without first consulting the GGG (Great God Google).
The ability to trust my gut instinct is almost non existent. I truly don't dare give son No 2 a kick up the arse in case the experts are right and I'm just inflicting a future psychotic on society. It seems that there are experts are out there on just about every conceivable subject on earth and who am I to disagree ?
I know I'm getting on. Baby tells me every day just how far my decline has advanced, whether it be new grey hairs, wrinkles or new saggy bits. I'm told if I dress inappropriately, that I snore and that I really just very out of touch with all that is young and beautiful. Well it maybe time for this Momma to fight back !
I'm gearing myself up for the Selfish Years, the years when I get to door exactly what I want - whether that's sleeping all day, eating nothing but porridge for the week and spending my money on me !
And as for technology, well I will persevere it's here to stay after all and let's face it you need to use it or loose it . So here goes ! x
it's official I hate technology. I may have said this before but the number of passwords I'm required to remember and the staggering choice on everything form how to cook cabbage to what to wear, how to sleep what to eat is turning me into a wreck who is unable to do even the most mundane task without first consulting the GGG (Great God Google).
The ability to trust my gut instinct is almost non existent. I truly don't dare give son No 2 a kick up the arse in case the experts are right and I'm just inflicting a future psychotic on society. It seems that there are experts are out there on just about every conceivable subject on earth and who am I to disagree ?
I know I'm getting on. Baby tells me every day just how far my decline has advanced, whether it be new grey hairs, wrinkles or new saggy bits. I'm told if I dress inappropriately, that I snore and that I really just very out of touch with all that is young and beautiful. Well it maybe time for this Momma to fight back !
I'm gearing myself up for the Selfish Years, the years when I get to door exactly what I want - whether that's sleeping all day, eating nothing but porridge for the week and spending my money on me !
And as for technology, well I will persevere it's here to stay after all and let's face it you need to use it or loose it . So here goes ! x
Thursday 11 October 2012
Gosh it's been almost a year to the day since I last wrote and it's been an odd sort of year come to think of it,
* I've been working part time job in a care home for the last 10 months
* Son No 1 is in 2nd year of uni
*Son No 2 has started an apprenticeship
* Baby is well.. a the size of a full grown woman
* The old man remains reliably the same... neither use nor anything else
* Financially I'm staring into the abyss
* and finally I realise theres not much I can do to control any of the above. ( Unless I count using my degree to get a better paid job that takes me away from the home)
I''ve just been offered a quarter bottle of whiskey by my 17 yr old who's off to a 6th Form party (remember those?). It makes me feel old which is why I decided to write today. There seeems to be a distinct lack of advice concerning the transition onto 'OLD'.
One minute you're a yummy mummy, still trendy, still able to pull admiring glances from young men who recently know better; the next you're fighting the battle to keep grey hairs at bay and have grown a second skin consisting of flab and cellulite. Everyone celebrates turning 40 as if it's a great mile stone worthy of parties, special cards and even trips abroad. Hit 41 and the party is most definitely by invite only and even then it tends to consist of a damp squib of an affair conducted in atmosphere that would once have seemed lame.
By 45 well you may as well fade into the wood work and assume the pace and dignity of a retired bowler. Anything less and you risk becoming a laughing stock. It's just not bloody fair.
The kids have decided that facebook is for their generation (not that we were 'friends' anyway) and have most probably deleted my account. The old man has became more of an old fart who displays non of the virility and otherness that was so attractive over 20 yrs ago and who can blame him. Where as once our bones were a source of worry and delight they now lie dead and buried under too many rich meals and glasses of the good stuff.
Nevermind we'll soon be pensioners and unable to afford a tin of soup never mind a rich meal and vino our stomach will point blank refuse to digest. Once again the sexy bits that we once revered and worshippped at will be uncovered - only it will all be too much effort to attempt to do what we used to; I want to grow old gracefully because I choose to, not because anything else would be undignified and probably physically impossible!
I still habour dreams of writing more than the odd post on the blog but so do hundreds of others - I still dream about the perfect life style with fancy house and car, a figure to die for and an old man that still turns me on. Maybe this time next year I'll have more to report because one thing is for sure I've never been one to do the same thing forever and forever is fast running out !
* I've been working part time job in a care home for the last 10 months
* Son No 1 is in 2nd year of uni
*Son No 2 has started an apprenticeship
* Baby is well.. a the size of a full grown woman
* The old man remains reliably the same... neither use nor anything else
* Financially I'm staring into the abyss
* and finally I realise theres not much I can do to control any of the above. ( Unless I count using my degree to get a better paid job that takes me away from the home)
I''ve just been offered a quarter bottle of whiskey by my 17 yr old who's off to a 6th Form party (remember those?). It makes me feel old which is why I decided to write today. There seeems to be a distinct lack of advice concerning the transition onto 'OLD'.
One minute you're a yummy mummy, still trendy, still able to pull admiring glances from young men who recently know better; the next you're fighting the battle to keep grey hairs at bay and have grown a second skin consisting of flab and cellulite. Everyone celebrates turning 40 as if it's a great mile stone worthy of parties, special cards and even trips abroad. Hit 41 and the party is most definitely by invite only and even then it tends to consist of a damp squib of an affair conducted in atmosphere that would once have seemed lame.
By 45 well you may as well fade into the wood work and assume the pace and dignity of a retired bowler. Anything less and you risk becoming a laughing stock. It's just not bloody fair.
The kids have decided that facebook is for their generation (not that we were 'friends' anyway) and have most probably deleted my account. The old man has became more of an old fart who displays non of the virility and otherness that was so attractive over 20 yrs ago and who can blame him. Where as once our bones were a source of worry and delight they now lie dead and buried under too many rich meals and glasses of the good stuff.
Nevermind we'll soon be pensioners and unable to afford a tin of soup never mind a rich meal and vino our stomach will point blank refuse to digest. Once again the sexy bits that we once revered and worshippped at will be uncovered - only it will all be too much effort to attempt to do what we used to; I want to grow old gracefully because I choose to, not because anything else would be undignified and probably physically impossible!
I still habour dreams of writing more than the odd post on the blog but so do hundreds of others - I still dream about the perfect life style with fancy house and car, a figure to die for and an old man that still turns me on. Maybe this time next year I'll have more to report because one thing is for sure I've never been one to do the same thing forever and forever is fast running out !
Thursday 14 October 2010
Following in the footsteps of deliquents....whilst the show must go on!
I really pissed off, really really pissed off......
What started as a fairly okay day,(forgetting the mountain of dirty laundry, dishes and the fact that I no longer have any curtains in the back room)has deteriorated into a, well I've already said.
I managed to side step the kind people at the 'jobcentre', present my pay slip from my day at the chocolate factory and find out what I need to know about not being around to collect my fortnightly money, cos I'm off on my hols with all the family. So far so good, despite a minor wobble last night when my sister's husband nearly broke his ankle playing football - which would have meant no holiday for him, her or their two boys. That would have have put a slight dampener on the holiday but thankfully it was only a sprain (Ligaments etc).
I didn't like to say that ligaments nag on for ever or maybe I did, at the moment I feel as if I'm hanging on to my sanity by my finger nails. But even that didn't seem too bad.
Nor did the fact that I'm getting an impressive list of rejection letters. Or the fact that employers want experience not qualifications on paper the eternal Catch 22. Or even the fact that my dream and I use that loosely to become a teacher or a social worker seems to be retreating into the sparkly mist that swirls above my head and cushions the footsteps of those who walk on the glass ceiling above my head. No I was coping with that and the fact the my husband lives in a flat around the corner ( note to self - how do I feel about that ? Have i buried thins so deeply? )
On top of that Son Number 1 will soon leave home and I'm sure I've forgotten to teach him about how life really is, the essentials of looking after oneself or the harsher realities of of being piss poor.Will he ever remember his phone or key or even his wallet, never mind the usual intricacies of washing machines, hoovers, dustbins and the final mystery of what happens to empty toilet rolls. There's also the matter of what does happen if you eat nothing other than takeaway curry for six weeks (you turn native I presume)
Also I find my opinion way down low on the list of opinions Baby rates as worthy.So as she swans off to the school disco looking like a cross between a summer deb and a paedos wet dream, I bit my lip and tear at the skin between my toes well into the small hours whilst waiting the shopping channel.
Other people get drunk by it's only thursday and I don't want to let go just yet, hey I was the shining beacon my kids once revered. I can't become the slush/junky that lurks beneath the surface just yet.
I had potential you know....
No what has really done it is that Son Number 2 has been involved in 'Blue Tack Gate' which would be funny if he wasn't on a final warning and in his last compulsory year of school. Which 6th form (ha ! as if he'd even consider)would take him or college for that matter?
Aren't all colleges just crying out for expelled, no grader?
After all Al Capone, Cary Grant,Ray Winstone, Guy Ritchie,Woody Allen, Marlon Brando, Salvador Dal. Kevin Spacey, Charlie Sheen, Steve Bilko, Humphrey Bogart, Bruce Dickinson and Percy Bysshe Shelley were all expelled. And that's just the famous ones!
He doesn't have a trust fund, famous parent, 'good' connections or an obvious talent like sport or singing - so this is quite a big deal. I guess sometimes all you can do is get prepared and cross your fingers......
And he pulled down the curtains with his weights.....some people.....
On a brighter note the Christmas drama is evolving, I'm looking forward to seeing that through and the kids have started to regard me less as a voodooo witch (Them being good Catholics absolved of sin on a weekly basis) and more of an adult that will give them one to one attention in a club with a 1:10 adult : kid ratio. These are kids that either love drama or the parents love the £3 per for 2 hours after school care. Whatever it is, in a roomful of lovies and HUGE characters,1 on 1 is a rarity.
Oh well back to the coal face, and not in factitious way, I did wake up to see the Chilean miners being rescued so I know the coal face is no laughing matter !
What started as a fairly okay day,(forgetting the mountain of dirty laundry, dishes and the fact that I no longer have any curtains in the back room)has deteriorated into a, well I've already said.
I managed to side step the kind people at the 'jobcentre', present my pay slip from my day at the chocolate factory and find out what I need to know about not being around to collect my fortnightly money, cos I'm off on my hols with all the family. So far so good, despite a minor wobble last night when my sister's husband nearly broke his ankle playing football - which would have meant no holiday for him, her or their two boys. That would have have put a slight dampener on the holiday but thankfully it was only a sprain (Ligaments etc).
I didn't like to say that ligaments nag on for ever or maybe I did, at the moment I feel as if I'm hanging on to my sanity by my finger nails. But even that didn't seem too bad.
Nor did the fact that I'm getting an impressive list of rejection letters. Or the fact that employers want experience not qualifications on paper the eternal Catch 22. Or even the fact that my dream and I use that loosely to become a teacher or a social worker seems to be retreating into the sparkly mist that swirls above my head and cushions the footsteps of those who walk on the glass ceiling above my head. No I was coping with that and the fact the my husband lives in a flat around the corner ( note to self - how do I feel about that ? Have i buried thins so deeply? )
On top of that Son Number 1 will soon leave home and I'm sure I've forgotten to teach him about how life really is, the essentials of looking after oneself or the harsher realities of of being piss poor.Will he ever remember his phone or key or even his wallet, never mind the usual intricacies of washing machines, hoovers, dustbins and the final mystery of what happens to empty toilet rolls. There's also the matter of what does happen if you eat nothing other than takeaway curry for six weeks (you turn native I presume)
Also I find my opinion way down low on the list of opinions Baby rates as worthy.So as she swans off to the school disco looking like a cross between a summer deb and a paedos wet dream, I bit my lip and tear at the skin between my toes well into the small hours whilst waiting the shopping channel.
Other people get drunk by it's only thursday and I don't want to let go just yet, hey I was the shining beacon my kids once revered. I can't become the slush/junky that lurks beneath the surface just yet.
I had potential you know....
No what has really done it is that Son Number 2 has been involved in 'Blue Tack Gate' which would be funny if he wasn't on a final warning and in his last compulsory year of school. Which 6th form (ha ! as if he'd even consider)would take him or college for that matter?
Aren't all colleges just crying out for expelled, no grader?
After all Al Capone, Cary Grant,Ray Winstone, Guy Ritchie,Woody Allen, Marlon Brando, Salvador Dal. Kevin Spacey, Charlie Sheen, Steve Bilko, Humphrey Bogart, Bruce Dickinson and Percy Bysshe Shelley were all expelled. And that's just the famous ones!
He doesn't have a trust fund, famous parent, 'good' connections or an obvious talent like sport or singing - so this is quite a big deal. I guess sometimes all you can do is get prepared and cross your fingers......
And he pulled down the curtains with his weights.....some people.....
On a brighter note the Christmas drama is evolving, I'm looking forward to seeing that through and the kids have started to regard me less as a voodooo witch (Them being good Catholics absolved of sin on a weekly basis) and more of an adult that will give them one to one attention in a club with a 1:10 adult : kid ratio. These are kids that either love drama or the parents love the £3 per for 2 hours after school care. Whatever it is, in a roomful of lovies and HUGE characters,1 on 1 is a rarity.
Oh well back to the coal face, and not in factitious way, I did wake up to see the Chilean miners being rescued so I know the coal face is no laughing matter !
Wednesday 29 September 2010
EAT WAIT AND SEE
Well I've been graduated for almost 2 months now and as yet had 2 interviews for care work - both of which politely declined my offer of slavish service mmmm not a promising start.
On a brighter note I've hooked up with a fellow graduate in Contemporary Theatre Practice who has started an Academy for performing arts. Like myself 'A' is an older, single mum with enough enthusiasm for fill the globe! but most of all she has a steel core that will not deviate.
First session with mixed aged group was certainly an eye opener ( having forgotten just how to control a group of primary kids ) I did my best to go with the flow . I'm not a 'flow' sort of person but loved the vibe, the eagerness and the idea of putting on a show so can't wait for next week !
Without being too EAT PRAY LOVE I'm determined to enjoy what life has to offer even if it's not what I want. I shall try to live in terms of what I need from now on.
On a brighter note I've hooked up with a fellow graduate in Contemporary Theatre Practice who has started an Academy for performing arts. Like myself 'A' is an older, single mum with enough enthusiasm for fill the globe! but most of all she has a steel core that will not deviate.
First session with mixed aged group was certainly an eye opener ( having forgotten just how to control a group of primary kids ) I did my best to go with the flow . I'm not a 'flow' sort of person but loved the vibe, the eagerness and the idea of putting on a show so can't wait for next week !
Without being too EAT PRAY LOVE I'm determined to enjoy what life has to offer even if it's not what I want. I shall try to live in terms of what I need from now on.
Wednesday 22 September 2010
How weird...
Almost a month since my last post and what a time I had of it. I've applied for nearly every job that I'm even remotely capable of doing plus a few just to keep the nice people at the DWP happy - after all am I ever really going to jump into a proofeader/subeditor role without eons of experience and or the sort of figure and youthful ovaries of a women half my age age ? I ask you?
Not that I'm getting cynical or anything I've not fit to wipe up after or do any of the multitude of other things required of a care work of the elderly(the wipe up thing is the main point that everyone seems to focus on when asking what I'm doing to look for work. Assuming that everyone over 60 must of course need assisting in that department, especially my own mother who was 60 this year)Hasn't anybody heard of latex gloves ? or is that just too clinical ? Am I being over sensitive ? Or would some older person prefer I wear gloves before buttering their toast and moving on to rubbing some cream on someone's legs ?
No, my hunt, it has long since moved on from a search and has now assumed the seriousness of an all together more primal hunt for a job continues. After all who wouldn't what a 40+ neurotic, with 3 kids ALL at difficult ages(is there any other?) a hovering EX and two spooked cats on the pay roll?
So aside from the hunt, I find myself making applications on the same site as son No1 for Post Grad courses. This feels strange as the reality of him choosing a uni means a) he could leave home next year b) we both might be doing courses at similar unis c)I'M NOT READY FOR THIS.
It has to happen some time so I reckon if I keep myself busy enough , I might not notice how much time has sped along. I still feel vaguely similar to how I did in my late 20s but every time I look in the mirror, I know that's no so. Baby reminds me every day that she is growing as I diminish and though I don't mind one bit the fact that I'm so aware of it makes me wonder if I am at all ready for the next phase of my life.
Baby's doing fine(I think) both at school and in her social development. She has a fine line in sarcasm and put downs,
Quote - Your hair's really grey and you're so old fashioned. Your getting wrinkles too.
And a good eye for detail, so I think she'll be okay !
Son No2 hasn't sunk any further into a life of crime and drug addled despair and I think he has glimpsed the end of the compulsory education tunnel that seemed never ending last summer. Maybe helped along by discussing the next 9 months in terms of 36 weeks with lots of little markers along the way, holiday, Halloween, bonfire, birthday, Christmas, MOPED, new year, spring, COLLEGES, finish, EXAMS. I'm trying to give him more responsibility too , his own key, no curfew, helping out as and when I can. So far - so good, it's only been 3 weeks but after last term this is quite a stretch on the good behaviour front so fingers crossed.
Well, It's Wednesday and mid week milestone that has been conquered so it's time to crack open a bottle of something alcoholic and relax further into the decline
CHIN CHIN !
Almost a month since my last post and what a time I had of it. I've applied for nearly every job that I'm even remotely capable of doing plus a few just to keep the nice people at the DWP happy - after all am I ever really going to jump into a proofeader/subeditor role without eons of experience and or the sort of figure and youthful ovaries of a women half my age age ? I ask you?
Not that I'm getting cynical or anything I've not fit to wipe up after or do any of the multitude of other things required of a care work of the elderly(the wipe up thing is the main point that everyone seems to focus on when asking what I'm doing to look for work. Assuming that everyone over 60 must of course need assisting in that department, especially my own mother who was 60 this year)Hasn't anybody heard of latex gloves ? or is that just too clinical ? Am I being over sensitive ? Or would some older person prefer I wear gloves before buttering their toast and moving on to rubbing some cream on someone's legs ?
No, my hunt, it has long since moved on from a search and has now assumed the seriousness of an all together more primal hunt for a job continues. After all who wouldn't what a 40+ neurotic, with 3 kids ALL at difficult ages(is there any other?) a hovering EX and two spooked cats on the pay roll?
So aside from the hunt, I find myself making applications on the same site as son No1 for Post Grad courses. This feels strange as the reality of him choosing a uni means a) he could leave home next year b) we both might be doing courses at similar unis c)I'M NOT READY FOR THIS.
It has to happen some time so I reckon if I keep myself busy enough , I might not notice how much time has sped along. I still feel vaguely similar to how I did in my late 20s but every time I look in the mirror, I know that's no so. Baby reminds me every day that she is growing as I diminish and though I don't mind one bit the fact that I'm so aware of it makes me wonder if I am at all ready for the next phase of my life.
Baby's doing fine(I think) both at school and in her social development. She has a fine line in sarcasm and put downs,
Quote - Your hair's really grey and you're so old fashioned. Your getting wrinkles too.
And a good eye for detail, so I think she'll be okay !
Son No2 hasn't sunk any further into a life of crime and drug addled despair and I think he has glimpsed the end of the compulsory education tunnel that seemed never ending last summer. Maybe helped along by discussing the next 9 months in terms of 36 weeks with lots of little markers along the way, holiday, Halloween, bonfire, birthday, Christmas, MOPED, new year, spring, COLLEGES, finish, EXAMS. I'm trying to give him more responsibility too , his own key, no curfew, helping out as and when I can. So far - so good, it's only been 3 weeks but after last term this is quite a stretch on the good behaviour front so fingers crossed.
Well, It's Wednesday and mid week milestone that has been conquered so it's time to crack open a bottle of something alcoholic and relax further into the decline
CHIN CHIN !
Saturday 21 August 2010
Or I could get a job ?
You know in gardens there's rocks and stones and patios, well you know if you lift a you some times find creatures scurrying around or some in hibernation if it's winter or just curled in a ball if they have lots of legs. Well you the slime that come out of these creature - well that's how I feel today....
It's the down after the climb, the dip on the roller coaster (Drayton Manor last week, first time on a roller coaster for almost 25 years), the abyss after an incredible high ( second round of interviews). I fall for it every time and wish I could keep the momentum of feeling good but I can't.( Meal tomorrow- double edged sword- expanding waist line holiday on the horizon)
Any how, my Mum and sis have gone a booked us all a much needed holiday for October, so that is pretty much taking up all my thoughts right now. Not the hunt for paid employment, which seem to be of concern to the employers of the department concerned with these things. Don't they know I'm way to busy to work ? I doubt if they think my daily routine warrants such a chunk of tax payers money but hey some one has to keep Facebook a viable business, someone has to clean, pick up socks and make sure that another 3 don't join the ranks of Job seekers.
I'm good at being sneered at, reviled and the butt of every statistical benefit joke going ( single mum - such an oxymoron surely, unless cloning has become routine). I accept my position with good grace and humour. After all, if everyone worked many many people would be out of jobs, especially the leagues of civil servants employed to tick, count, harangue and look after the millions of work shy scroungers that never get around to phoning , emailing or who have just fallen through the numerous cracks found along the high way of life.
I have this problem now until I reach pensionable age, loose my mind, knees or drop down dead ( which ever come first I guess and at this rate it could be anyone of those options) Or I could get a job
Ahh , I feel better for that, might just clean out my burrow.
It's the down after the climb, the dip on the roller coaster (Drayton Manor last week, first time on a roller coaster for almost 25 years), the abyss after an incredible high ( second round of interviews). I fall for it every time and wish I could keep the momentum of feeling good but I can't.( Meal tomorrow- double edged sword- expanding waist line holiday on the horizon)
Any how, my Mum and sis have gone a booked us all a much needed holiday for October, so that is pretty much taking up all my thoughts right now. Not the hunt for paid employment, which seem to be of concern to the employers of the department concerned with these things. Don't they know I'm way to busy to work ? I doubt if they think my daily routine warrants such a chunk of tax payers money but hey some one has to keep Facebook a viable business, someone has to clean, pick up socks and make sure that another 3 don't join the ranks of Job seekers.
I'm good at being sneered at, reviled and the butt of every statistical benefit joke going ( single mum - such an oxymoron surely, unless cloning has become routine). I accept my position with good grace and humour. After all, if everyone worked many many people would be out of jobs, especially the leagues of civil servants employed to tick, count, harangue and look after the millions of work shy scroungers that never get around to phoning , emailing or who have just fallen through the numerous cracks found along the high way of life.
I have this problem now until I reach pensionable age, loose my mind, knees or drop down dead ( which ever come first I guess and at this rate it could be anyone of those options) Or I could get a job
Ahh , I feel better for that, might just clean out my burrow.
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