That's the way the cook crumbles...

Things have settled down, or rather I have realize I cannot control the universe only myself. Sometimes it is enough to know I think I know what is going on rather than to actually know.

'A' has decided not to combine a career in stripping with tending the minds of developing generations; instead she will try for a financial award from the university coffer pot. 

'E' is much the same as usual school run, Tesco shop, school gate edginess. Not much changes when you have kids, an alien could land in your back garden and you'd still be worrying if the kids had clean t-shirts for school and if there was enough toilet rolls to last until Monday. It just how it is, after tending house for over sixteen years, you tend to do everything on auto. Be that washing up, loading the insatiable beast that is your  washing machine. It's funny how no matter how much I feed it son number 1 always manages to find another load that he keeps stashed just to keep me occupied. After 'it's my job' as he is fond of reminding me,'it's what the state pays me for' seeing as his father refuses to lift a finger. The irony is lost and his sweet 15 years and I long ago gave up trying to explain how I've held up my part of the bargain that is called MARRIAGE.

Anyway thinking of the father has lead me into a spiral that can only ever go downwards into a pit of bitterness and twisted logic. I mean when he wants an divorce it has to be on his grounds ie my so called 'infidelity' ( does really think I have time to seduce the whole neighbourhood and slavishly tend our broods every whim?

But when I want a divorce citing 'unreasonable' behaviour and 'irretrievable breakdown' then he doesn't want a divorce. It has to be one of the longest running divorce sagas seen by the local solicitors office and I fear that they are milking it for all it's worth. Problem is I'm running out of solicitors office and will soon have to take this out of town. Until then I guess I will try to keep the piece on access visits. One of which was scheduled for next Tuesday; as he has decide to make himself totally unavailable by anything other than email and that is accessed at the library communication doesn't flow as well as it could , so I shall have to see how that goes.

This week I have been fixing up my return to university to complete one part of my final year. I met a guy who could really help, I didn't just bump into this  guy 'L' ; more like emailed him repeatedly nearly 3 months ago to fix up this appointment. I good at backing people into corners where they can't refuse only it seems that the time scale ids all wrong for L and I might not be able to work for him until next year. This means finding a new contact to help me finish my course placement in 10 weeks. This wouldn't be so bad only the arts in a relatively small area i the scheme of thing something you tend to forget when you're in deep. So I find myself talking people from the same agencies and sometimes same departments; which can be tricky. After all if you speak to someone you were at uni with 4 years ago and they offer to help then you find that you've already spoken to their boss it can be awkward. Luckily I try to remember the saying that, 

     'the people you meet on the way up are the same people you meet on the way down'

I try to keep on friendly terms with everyone which reminds me of another saying,

  ' you can please some of the people some of the time but not all the people al  the time'

Some people I'm never going to please but hey that's the way the cooky crumbles..

 

 

This is all too much...

Well what have I started a book or a blog. I'm not so naive as not not know that this is the lazy person way of writing a book but hey, it might get read and if it does who knows? 

The reason I'm starting this thing anyhow is because today has been too much...

 The day started quiet enough, if anything maybe too quiet no fussing over lost stuff (the kids more of them later). I even managed to do things that have  needed doing ie prove to my solicitor that I am indeed a virtual pauper and in need of financial assistance to divorce him, I mean How can I possibly be expected to sleep with him just to keep the peace whenever he decides to grace us with his presence which was roughly 14 weeks ago ( not That really counting) with one phone call in all that time. 

(NB  keep a diary of his comings and going to use a evidence to damn in court)

So why has it been all too much? a rhetorical question as I know the answer and you don't. I could be going out of my mind (according to son number 1; this is a real possibility after all I did down 2 cans of cider yesterday. I am a single mum most of the time and I MIGHT LET THE SIDE SOWN IF I DIDN'T OCCASSIONALLY. I had just tackled the jungle that is our back garden, which I am a slave to amongst other things.) So I could be going out of my mind but today having negotiated the morning with relative ease I had to walk past the house of E who has just found out that the youth who randomly broke into her house last summer and attempted to steal her purse. Which reminds me, another neighbour has tried to get son number 2 to gossip about theses events on MSN. This has meant a huge row , lecture and generally hectoring of  sons 1 & 2 about the perils of gossip (no irony intended) I keep pointing out that nothing is random and that terrible things can befall snitches and gossips (no irony intented). Anyway this youth it seems may not be so random after all but none other a product of 'wild oats'  sewn before her own two dear children were born. Fiction doesn't come much rounder! Personally I think it's all part of lives rich tapestry and that men really don't always know much better in these matters.

That isn't the event that has made today too much. The too much part come from that fact that a young woman of 21 feels that it is appropriate to combine a job stripping and not the wall paper kind either, with the final year of a her degree. What is it to me I hear you ask. Am I some sort of evangelical zealot opposed to young woman with pert breasted after mine have drooped and sagged post kinder /pre menopause. Well yes and no. I do want her to keep her mind on her degree because frankly as I am her partner in this part of the degree course and yes maybe going to university at 38 could be construed as a pre menopausal glitch that other woman deal with by getting a little job or taking up jogging or for the really brave ones embarking on an affair. I need her to get up in the morning after flashing her bits and be bright eyed and bushy tailed ( no pun intended) she can't possibly be ready to give drama workshops to jaded 13 yr olds after spending all night having fivers and teners posted in her G string can she? Again rhetorical she cannot. 

I have spent the last 4 yrs on this course, forgoing high heeled shoes to fit in with the students. The last 4yrs cracking up over deadlines and aging significantly reading late into the night to get things done. It really is too much...