Floosy dresses and the inevitable...

Well it's been almost a month now, live is pretty much the same, still no job (obviously not counting looking after the house - of a fashion , kids - they're allowed to develop at their own pace and family - well they could leave the country if things got too bad)

I've not started on my novel not sure if I ever will but I am starting to feel something brewing in a manner of speaking. As a poet I once heard but have forgotten the name of; a piece of writing is like a stone in your shoe, you hobble along for a while with it until pain forces you to stop and remove the damn thing. I'm reaching that point and to continue with the analogy as soon as I find somewhere to sit down and take my sock off with out getting wet feet I Will begin.

I'm catching as many documentaries about writers as I can trying to remember to keep a book of themes(not), ideas and phrases I might get around to using but apart from that life is okay.

I have my first interview with the nice people at the job centre soon. I don't know if I want to teach anymore - how will I write?
I graduate next Monday - I must be calming down I'm resisting all overly high heels., flowery dress ( or floosy dresses! as I now think of them) and I'm being really sensible. I've regained my typing ability despite being unable to post even a sentence on facebook without much procrastination and inevitable spelling mistakes, so I'm getting calmer and nearer to the pace I need to actually write anything for any sustained time.

Oh and I hosted another birthday pool party for baby girl(now 10) and her play mates. Obviously I got it slightly wrong with the mix, left some out didn't realise who could and would get along but it went alright can't complain. Of course it caused all sorts of ructions with 'him', who wanted to be involved as long as none of my family came and he could control every thing.

I don't know how I ever got so involved with someone who is so utterly not on my wavelength or even remotely involved with me. Sex had lots to do with it of cause and back then we were pretty damn hot. Not only to look at but enough to make angels blush!

Now that side of thing has definitely cooled mainly due to lack of opportunity, my lax tendons and the fact that all the fancy and passion has been replaced by food, drink and rowing.

I think I really need to either understand this man or shed him from my life altogether. I can't ever imagine being with anyone else but I never have until I'm actually in a new relationship with some one and then it seems as if we've been that way for ever.

I remember tracing his cheek bones with my finger, looking for any signs of similarity to make him less of a stranger and finding a scar that intersected his left eyebrow. That scar was enough to convince me to give him a shot, familiar enough to take away the stranger and make him part of my life.

I must be hard to begin loving someone when you're no longer at you psychical prime. Who falls for grey haired women with wrinkles and all the other signs of a life well spent? I guess it's all to do with pace and timing. I feels as if life is whizzing by at the moment, the last 10 years have zoomed by and I don't want the next 10 to do the same. The balance between inactivity, decline and the inevitable needs to be adjusted with passion, vigour and interest. Finding the perfect relationship between stagnating and positive living is my mission for now. Keeping fit, healthy, mind active and happy. Change is going to happen...