So now I have to get a job, right?

What happens when life exceeds your expectations ?

I'll tell you what happens, you feel inadequate.

That's how I feel now, I've been awarded a mark that leaves no room for errors, no room for manoeuvre. A mark for my degree that says I'm a nerdy, no mates, stay at home, non partying, non drinking know it all.

Does that mean the only road available for me is ' Academia' . Surely I'm still a fun, happy-go-lucky sort of girl. A caring , sensitive individual with a grip on life and a handle on what her priorities are.

I feel compelled to to do something valuable and worthwhile with my fabulous First Class Honours Degree. (Wow, I'm so not over this yet, someone pinch me) So now it all falls into place right? I'm meant to apply my weary brain to more strenuous study. Whilst I love reading, I'm under no illusion that a further year of academic study and a possible other 3 completing a PhD will leave me a completely different person to the one I am now. Sitting a t a desk will change my shape, wear out my eyes and totally re-program the hard wiring in my brain.

People will view me differently ( with slight awe , or is that just me and my attitude to professors ?) I will only ever find true happiness with someone who enjoys the life style of rigours study and who's idea of fun is a discussion over on the weightier issues in life - whilst you clean your teeth. Won't I have to stop dying my hair and wear kooky clothes and assume an air of melancholy?

I 'm not sure I want to have to apologise for work that no one other than fellow academics fully understand. People, well versed in European street theatre, art centre avant garde and the need for community creativity and local culture will become my play mates. No necessarily a bad thing...

Will it change my life ?? probably not.
Will it make me a higher earner?? Possibly
Will it make me live longer, be more attractive to the opposite sex, lose 20 lbs, make my friends and family love me more?? No

Mm mm so what are the benefits ??

Well time will tell....Meanwhile I shall spend the next year following The Plan. which is

- get some experience of working in my chosen field
- fending off the the efforts of well meaning job centre career operatives to get me into a job
- apply for teacher training/apply for social work/look for Pg funding
- find a way to earn some money in a way I find acceptable
- write
- concentrate on my non existent love life( though it might take more than concentration to revive it )
-Enjoy my self ! After all I'll never be this young again ever!

But I have to face the fact, that for the last 26 years the tax payer has kindly footed the bill for my folly, mental instability and indecision. I have a deep rooted love for the the system that has allowed this. A feel compelled to contribute in some way to an institution that allows others to find their feet in their own time at their own pace. The system has been a patient benefactor, a gentle guiding hand nudging insistently me on towards a fuller understanding of myself and the nature of life.

Guide me now, show me the way amd provide the answers.

So now I have to get a job, right?